A bump in the road - March 2015

And just when we think things couldn’t be better, something usually happens to bring you back down to earth.

About a week later, I took a call from our FS advising me about a potential concern she had in relation to a future pregnancy. Again, I don’t want to go into much detail, but it was enough for her to question whether we should all proceed together. She recommended some further investigation, but said we first all needed to have a long discussion about our plans to proceed.  

Seconds after hanging up, I checked my messages and found one from Charmaine - She was interstate at the time and had had a similar call from the FS just before me. I could tell that she was very upset with the news, but her main concern was to let us know that she would completely understand if we wanted to pull out. 

And once again, I was struck by the fact that Charmaine was thinking of us rather than herself, despite clearly being devastated at receiving this news. It was also at this moment that I realised for the first time that this really was a partnership - Charmaine was just as invested in this journey as hubby and I and just as eager to see a positive outcome for all of us. 

Charmaine and I talked (a lot) that night and came to the decision that we would do the additional investigation that our FS recommended for us, and then we would proceed based on that advice.

Hubby and I also talked a lot and came to the conclusion that every pregnancy carries some level of risk and this is part of what every couple agrees to (even if unconsciously) when they try for a baby. The difficult thing for us was that it wasn’t me agreeing to take on that risk, we were asking someone else to do it on my behalf, and how can that ever be a fair thing to do.

It was a very hard to see Charmaine upset over the news we had received, but when I look back on that night, I think it was an early test of the strength and resilience of our relationship, both within each couple and as a group. We said from the start that open communication was key to our success, and it was so true that evening. It would have been easy for either couple to back away at the first hurdle, but for hubby and I that would be forgetting the little miracle that our coming together in the first place had been and the feeling that we all had of an instant connection and understanding. 

I’d say, if it had been a test, we all passed with flying colours, and things were set to improve for us!